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Painting I HATESeveral years ago I attended Overeater’s Anonymous and their big thing was about “letting go” and NOT trying to control this demon myself. I guess it’s about getting to the point of realizing that I am powerless and it’s out of my control. And I couldn’t ever quite understand that concept. I wasn’t sure how to let go or what to let go of. I’ve been in control of everything for so long – never having anyone to rely on but myself (which wasn’t ever really the case). I was always thinking it was the “dieting” I was to let go of. But, I had an epiphany (I love them) that it’s not about the food or the dieting that I needed to let go of – but whatever it is that is causing me to eat or be out of control. That’s what I need to let go of and hand that over to a “higher power”.

Now I need to pay more attention to exactly why I’m overeating and why I’m making such poor choices.

About 5 or so years ago I lost over 60 pounds and kept it off until the past year, when I started to put it back on. I’m scarred to death to gain all that weight, but I do feel like I’m out of control. The catalyst to the weight loss was quitting smoking. I don’t remember ever doing anything that was so difficult and I figured if I can get through that – I can certainly lose the weight I had never been able to lose in the past. So, I gave up sugar and flour completely and went to “Curves” religiously. It was determination that got me to lose that weight – I was still fully in control.

Anyway, OA is a twelve step group, just like AA. I think it’s a good program, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to “let go”. I don’t know if I will ever be that “determined” as I was when I lost the original 60 pounds. That’s why I question being able to do this myself.

That’s all.